September 26 2012
What awaits me on my 24th Birthday?
I do not know.
I do not know whether I'll be happy or not. I had a lot of unpleasant memories on my birthday. On one cartoon comedy show that I always watch every morning, my favorite character Stewie once said "Why I should not be happy on my birthday? That's my victory- into coming out of this world."
I don't know whether I'll consider myself a VICTOR.
I have too many things too accomplish before I could say that to myself. In fact, some people say I am indeed hard on myself. Well, I won't deny that.
I am always like this, striving for perfection or should I say close to perfection.
I am in complete disarray of what's happening to me.
All my frustrations are eating me like a vengeful monster.
Perhaps, this feeling was just a mere result of my bitter past. Okay, I get it, one should not live in the past. But, what if that past was the turning point, its a discern action that brought me this painful reaction. It molded me, it taught me to survive, it taught me how I should be protecting myself. Cause who else will?
I call it defense mechanism.
I therefore conclude, there's a certain kind of sadness or pain inside me whenever I remember my birthday.
And today, 20 days left before my birthday. 20 long days.
I hope this year. There will be a CHANGE. A good one or preferably a BETTER one.
